Much said, with few woods.

I love Henri Nouwen. I have been getting little meditations of his in my email the past few weeks. This one today gave me much to think about. Here it is...

Jesus' Compassion
Jesus is called Emmanuel which means "God-with-us" (see Matthew 1: 22-23). The great paradox of Jesus' life is that he, whose words and actions are in no way influenced by human blame or praise but are completely dependent on God's will, is more "with" us than any other human being.
Jesus' compassion, his deep feeling-with us, is possible because his life is guided not by human respect but only by the love of his heavenly Father. Indeed, Jesus is free to love us because he is not dependent on our love.

Growing Young - Rich Mullins

I've gone so far from my home
I've seen the world and I have known
So many secrets
I wish now I did not know
'Cause they have crept into my heart
They have left it cold and dark
And bleeding,
Bleeding and falling apart

And everybody used to tell me big boys don't cry
Well I've been around enough to know that that was the lie
That held back the tears in the eyes of a thousand prodigal sons
Well we are children no more, we have sinned and grown old
And our Father still waits and He watches down the road
To see the crying boys come running back to His arms
And be growing young
Growing young

I've seen silver turn to dross
Seen the very best there ever was
And I'll tell you, it ain't worth what it costs
And I remember my father's house
What I wouldn't give right now
Just to see him and hear him tell me that he loves me so much

And everybody used to tell me big boys don't cry
Well I've been around enough to know that that was the lie
That held back the tears in the eyes of a thousand prodigal sons
Well we are children no more, we have sinned and grown old
And our Father still waits and He watches down the road
To see the crying boys come running back to His arms

And when I thought that I was all alone
It was your voice I heard calling me back home
And I wonder now Lord
What it was that made me wait so long
And what kept You waiting for me all that time
Was Your love stronger than my foolish pride
Will You take me back now, take me back and let me be Your child

'Cause I've been broken now, I've been saved
I've learned to cry, and I've learned how to pray
And I'm learning ...

Grief and Gratitude.

Today is the day of my transition ceremony.

I can't help finding myself in the tension of two polar emotions.

On one side, I feel extreme gratitude for these past few years. Johnson City itself, has been like my own personal "promised land" filled with plenty of "milk and honey" (as well as many other great foods...lol). I can't even begin to recount all the blessings and all the great memories I've had in this stage of my life. God has truly filled my life with great people and helped make Johnson City feel like a home with plenty of love to go around.

At the same time I have grief. Grief knowing that there will be people that I won't see anymore. I only anticipate keeping in touch with a few members of my class (just in the nature of life typically works), and there is always that feeling like what did I leave undiscovered due to my own busyness or self-preoccupation. I think this quote sums up some of my thoughts (even though it has to do with funerals...and I don't think this ceremony is on that level of somberness by any means. lol.)

"I think we cry at funerals-even at funerals of people we don't like-because we realize what a miracle a life is. You realize, this will never happen again. There will never be this exact combination of genes, there will never again be the things that have created this person to be what he is. God has spoken uniquely here, and it's gone. It's over. And I think there's some regret, because. we all realize, boy, we didn't pay enough attention." - Rich Mullins

So here I am filled with both celebration for the great things that God has helped me discover in others here in Johnson City and regret for the people that I didn't pay enough attention to . I suppose my hope is that He will continually help increase my awareness and attentiveness to behold the beauty in those ahead of me that my path will soon intersect.

On a lighter note, I really hope I don't find myself in another "lifetime" moment tonight with my OT class. If it happens, so be it. They're worth it, one of my many families that I've learn to share this wonderful thing called life these past few years.

Consider the Cost by Steve Camp

Consider the Cost by Steve Camp

to obey is better than sacrifice
and to hearken than the fat of rams
for what will a man give for his own life
houses or money or land
there's a way that seems right to you
but in the end it leads only to death
but come unto Him all ye weary
come and find your rest

consider the cost of building a tower
it's a narrow way that you must come
to do the will of the Father
is to follow the Son
to love Him more than father or mother
to love Him more than your own flesh
to give all that you are, for all that He is
this is the gospel according to Jesus

many will say, "Lord, Lord" on that day
look what we've done in Your name
"We've prophesied and performed many miracles
and Lord, even demons obeyed"

then the Lord will declare unto them
the most terriifying words of truth"
depart from me ye workers of iniquity
for I have never known you!"

oh foolish man, how you built on the sand
trusting in your goodness to save!
for when the rain falls, and the flood
breaks the walls
you will be swept away!

but blessed is he who builds on the Rock
who takes Jesus as Lord to save!
for when the rain falls, he will endure it all
standing firm in His grace!

Question Is? - Old poem

Question Is?
So many look at our unanswered questions, unconquered problems,
the dismay and darkness all around.
Why must we forget what we know, what we hope, and what we have.

For when did we lose our joy believing in better days?
Or when did we allow our better practices to rot and decay?

Our trust cannot rest in our princes
Or any other power of the hour.

We must go backwards if we want to ever go forwards.

Look at the ones who understood our Creator; their lives were an offering that gave honor to Him, and left us with immeasurable gifts of answers, solutions, directions, light and everlasting love.

Christ, my Lord has Himself already proven.
He has already shown that all hatred, destruction, disease and corruption
will NEVER be enough to keep a good man down.

So when shall this truth be enough?
Or is this all too much to raise?

Questions for my Quest - Chard's poetry

Questions for my Quest
How bad must I want this?
A land where people practice what is preached
A land where peace and harmony is reached.
How much will this cost me?
It seems that all those who have most understood
Your commands to bring heaven here to earth
Have been forced to their eternal destination
By those who love their broken systems
And feel threatened by those who place
The power to love above the love of power.
Can I really reach this place?
The way that leads to life seems too narrow for my feet to trod.
The cup of suffering seems too large for my appetite and
You know I've had my fill of filth.
Where is this righteousness that my soul longs for?
The song that paints Your pictures that I love so much
Is not playing in my head today.
Is this tune of "Amazing Grace" all that You really want to give me?

Buried Treasure - Another original

Buried Treasure
When the wind stops blowing, I quickly forget
That underneath this dirt once lay a treasure.
I remember my former thoughts, thinking it
Always worth all this digging.
No wonder I spent so much time
Here remaining at this site
Lifting my shovel over and over.
I wish the light was brighter
Then maybe I could have seen
That with every move of my shovel
I was only dumping
More dirt on the treasures that was already uncovered.
Maybe then I would have realized
That my thoughts of wind were simply
The result of myself and
The many exhales of my feelings
Of frustration and realization
That this treasure hunt has now become
An underground tunnel with no direction or destination.

Where is the one
who lifts the head of those who are buried deep in desperation?

Heroes and Hypocrites - a Chard Original

Heroes and Hypocrites
Its all fun and games for the moment
But the tests bring a new look at life
The things I thought I held so dear
Are starting to become
The curse of my existence.
....
And once again I must face
That dreaded feeling inside
Knowing that I'm not quite the man
That I make myself out to be.
....
It is a shame to esteem the noble ones
And yet find yourself drawn to the dumpsters.
....
I'm no longer shocked at my condition
I know its just part of the illusion
That tells me that Your higher calling
Is too far from my hands
And will never come to its full fruition.
....
You say that the trying of my faith works perseverance
Its funny how that seems to make more sense
When I step back from the workings of my own circumstances.
....
Right now my sole comfort is knowing that I'm surrounded
By a generation filled with heroes and hypocrites
And they are like two sides of the same coin
And they are all of Your making
....
Quite honestly, some of us fear Your hands.
Our rough places keep us running.
Darkness becomes our shelter
When Your light draws too close.
....
Our greatest fear
is being exposed.
....
Must we now be on display?
Those others don't know
That we are still a work in progress.
....
Please distract them with Your beauty
While we buy some time to find some courage.
Perhaps when You return
We will both be surprised
By the character formed within us.
....
Our hope is to no longer
fit into these worn out costumes.

That wasn't hard.

My first post...