Much said, with few woods.

I love Henri Nouwen. I have been getting little meditations of his in my email the past few weeks. This one today gave me much to think about. Here it is...

Jesus' Compassion
Jesus is called Emmanuel which means "God-with-us" (see Matthew 1: 22-23). The great paradox of Jesus' life is that he, whose words and actions are in no way influenced by human blame or praise but are completely dependent on God's will, is more "with" us than any other human being.
Jesus' compassion, his deep feeling-with us, is possible because his life is guided not by human respect but only by the love of his heavenly Father. Indeed, Jesus is free to love us because he is not dependent on our love.

Growing Young - Rich Mullins

I've gone so far from my home
I've seen the world and I have known
So many secrets
I wish now I did not know
'Cause they have crept into my heart
They have left it cold and dark
And bleeding,
Bleeding and falling apart

And everybody used to tell me big boys don't cry
Well I've been around enough to know that that was the lie
That held back the tears in the eyes of a thousand prodigal sons
Well we are children no more, we have sinned and grown old
And our Father still waits and He watches down the road
To see the crying boys come running back to His arms
And be growing young
Growing young

I've seen silver turn to dross
Seen the very best there ever was
And I'll tell you, it ain't worth what it costs
And I remember my father's house
What I wouldn't give right now
Just to see him and hear him tell me that he loves me so much

And everybody used to tell me big boys don't cry
Well I've been around enough to know that that was the lie
That held back the tears in the eyes of a thousand prodigal sons
Well we are children no more, we have sinned and grown old
And our Father still waits and He watches down the road
To see the crying boys come running back to His arms

And when I thought that I was all alone
It was your voice I heard calling me back home
And I wonder now Lord
What it was that made me wait so long
And what kept You waiting for me all that time
Was Your love stronger than my foolish pride
Will You take me back now, take me back and let me be Your child

'Cause I've been broken now, I've been saved
I've learned to cry, and I've learned how to pray
And I'm learning ...

Grief and Gratitude.

Today is the day of my transition ceremony.

I can't help finding myself in the tension of two polar emotions.

On one side, I feel extreme gratitude for these past few years. Johnson City itself, has been like my own personal "promised land" filled with plenty of "milk and honey" (as well as many other great foods...lol). I can't even begin to recount all the blessings and all the great memories I've had in this stage of my life. God has truly filled my life with great people and helped make Johnson City feel like a home with plenty of love to go around.

At the same time I have grief. Grief knowing that there will be people that I won't see anymore. I only anticipate keeping in touch with a few members of my class (just in the nature of life typically works), and there is always that feeling like what did I leave undiscovered due to my own busyness or self-preoccupation. I think this quote sums up some of my thoughts (even though it has to do with funerals...and I don't think this ceremony is on that level of somberness by any means. lol.)

"I think we cry at funerals-even at funerals of people we don't like-because we realize what a miracle a life is. You realize, this will never happen again. There will never be this exact combination of genes, there will never again be the things that have created this person to be what he is. God has spoken uniquely here, and it's gone. It's over. And I think there's some regret, because. we all realize, boy, we didn't pay enough attention." - Rich Mullins

So here I am filled with both celebration for the great things that God has helped me discover in others here in Johnson City and regret for the people that I didn't pay enough attention to . I suppose my hope is that He will continually help increase my awareness and attentiveness to behold the beauty in those ahead of me that my path will soon intersect.

On a lighter note, I really hope I don't find myself in another "lifetime" moment tonight with my OT class. If it happens, so be it. They're worth it, one of my many families that I've learn to share this wonderful thing called life these past few years.